20210714 Sorry, Brother..

Looking back, looking at current situation, I finally realized that all previous conflicts really no longer matters. Material, things really are not important...just relationships...relationships with God, with church family, family and friends..

Who really will be by us during our last days...who will stick with us...

But i know he's really in better hands now.. without pain, tears, suffering, and worries...

Thank you Brother for teaching me.. and i am sorry for our previous conflicts.. thinking of you,  Brother Timmy... May God wraps His arms around you filled with love

20210705 tmr's new challenge

New work starting tomorrow.. Lord,  please grant me wisdom and be with me, i cannot do anything without you!

May the Lord also please work it out for us in our house hunting process...

20210702 most embarrassing moment

Sigh...im almost 38 and cant believe that it happened....UGH!!

Last time it happened i believe it was 2nd grade..

20210629 In Texas

Well.. we are finally in Texas, in fact, we arrived 4 days ago. The first 2 days were busy running around then 3rd/4th day had slowed down and depression had started to come.

-i dont want work to start next week.. i dont want to work

-i dont know what to expect in the new role

-i feel so lonely

-is this decision wrong in moving to tx?

-i want ada to be happy, hope that shes not sad

-i miss my friends

-if we move to a place with family, it would be a lot easier

Im so negative.... i suck..

20210618 well..big day and results revealed

Its been over a month since i have posted. A lot of things had happened including the packing of our house moving to Texas and also a job offer, multiple job offer in fact. So in April we had successfully received an offer for house and the past two months have been really hectic doing interviews with Texas local jobs and also cleaning up the house, packing for the move, coordinating with everything that I needed to do for the move which have been really hectic but now I am a little bit happier to say that today is the day for the moving company to come to our house and just move everything. We have so much things and we have about 32 boxes and along with other Furniture so it was a lot of packing but finally...we are done packing. Right now I am sitting in the kitchen waiting for the moving company to come and we will see how that goes... may the Lord be with us in this move and in this journey.  So on top of that, back to the job, in the past few months since March, i actually had 4 offers and I had to regretfully rejected 3 of them and I've taking up a position with EBS for a full stack engineering manager role which is under Tricia. I really don't know how that will go yet and as I'm finishing up my current rotation(now my ex), they were already sending me invites to different meetings and it was a bit overwhelming so I don't know how that will go.. hope that everything is going to be smooth and the members/ situation I just have to work on it one by one and ensure everybody is good to go. For 5he record, this job I plan to stay at least 2 - 3 years and I don't know what will happen next but if my passion still wants me to do classified work then I will apply to Aero or MFC for the roles. We will see what happens hopefully God will allow me to understand his will and also will allow me and give me strength to glorify him.

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20210506 Need Lord's Guidance

So interviewing with F35's Lcode role tomorrow and may the Lord guide me and be with me throughout the whole interview. I know i am not perfect but i will definitely try my best.

Lord,  please grant me wisdom and have the Holy Spirit speak for me. Leaving it all to You and may Your Will be done regardless of what the outcome is. 

20210503b...

Mid life crisis again.....

20210503 No Motivation

So out of it today... no motivation to perform...

Burnt out? 

20210422 Result came

So the hiring manager had finally reached out to me this morning. She shared with me that i was not selected for the position. Although not selected, she mentioned that i was extremely close and was almost picked until another candidate interviewed which the only reason i wasn't selected was because the other person had more experience than i do. She said that i was a strong candidate and scored really high which was comforting and encouraging so she told me not to be afraid to try again. She had shared that she has another req coming so i should watch for it.. so we will see...

Its really tempting but i thank God for shutting this door.

I really dont know whats gonna happen, should i just give up my passion and pride?

Also,  alot had happened this past couple weeks... we got an offer on our house and planning the move is so much work.. hang in there Randy.. and God please assist ada and i on this..

20210405 Finally over~

Man...what a week~

The interview last week was postponed to this week about an hour before the interview and delayed everything as it was a busy week with meeting with agent and etc.

Last night was soo tough as all of sudden i was really nervous and i had this really bad stomach cramp. Ended up i threw up multiple times and couldnt really sleep.

Today's interview didnt go as well as i wanted but i still give thanks to my Lord because it was all of the material that i had prepared for. It was only the first 3 non-FSL job fit questions that got me. Anyhow,  it had ended and praise the Lord for that!!! 

20210328 First Opportunity Interview

Well.. its been a nervous last couple days, the interview is finally arriving tmr.. i have been prepping since thurs and so i hope everything i prepared for will be useful.

Lord,  i will leave you everything and will just try my best. Thank you Lord for the opportunity and thank you for having Brothers around me that supported me in prayers. I will be obedience to you and may you close this door if this is not the right fit for me. Lord i know that you have the best plan for me. Amen! 

20210323 First TX Potential Opportunity

Got an email to provide more security info yesterday followed by a phone call from HR today for my first TX potential Opportunity. I am definitely nervous, its another FSL interview set for next Monday so i better prep it well.

I am definitely not confident but Lord please guide me and prepare me for the role that you want me to be in. 

20210317 What's next...actually?

I wonder whats next for me.. Susan's opportunity seems like it could be a fit but i am asking if it could be remote ae i want to move to texas. Lord, please guide me and open a door for me...

20210316 Hang in there!

Last Increment now... come on,  hang in there,  you can do it,  Randy!!!

Can't wait for the next opportunity! 

20210314 Happy Pie Day

Yearly Happy Pie Day!

And also my weekly depressed night..

Its Sunday Night..

20210307 Can't wait for next opportunity

Ever since my Monday conversation with him, we haven't really spoken at all and it almost feels like he doesn't want to have anything to do with mebut i could really be wrong. Or maybe it has been like that for the longest time and it didn't stick out until i paid more attention to it.

I think i am ready to move on, i can't wait to know what my next opportunity is and may God bless me and show me the path. I also can't wait to move... i am one again going to list my house and targeting to be mid next month,  hope that everything goes well..

20210301 Bittersweet Decision

Man.. well.. what needed to be done had been done. Its bittersweet and i had finally said no plus officially declined the offer, there goes my money/flexibility/clearance/Opportunity.

I, in a way, am really grateful, and glad that i have someone like Sara who concurred with me and understands exactly what i am going thru. Without her concurrence and encouragement i dont think i would be able to solidify my decision. Thank God for putting her in my path. Ada is definitely happy...

May God lead my path because i am extremely vulnerable now and i can only hope that i will be able to line up a job.

Lord..i have to trust in You and thats all i can do. Please kindly grant me a position that You feel fits me. Amen..

20210228 Final Decisions in 2 days

Since i have received an official offer from HR last wed,  i have to respond within the next 2 days.

I have set up a meeting with Sara hoping she would provide me her thoughts. I have read my past post and i know i probably shouldn't take it but i will need some push and a way of saying no to someone i respect.

Tough decision...

Opportunity & Money vs Anxiety & Stress

20210212 Decisions..

Once again..(because i have probably said it before somewhere) life is full of & all about decisions.

I actually got a promotion 2 weeks ago and also had just received this offer for the manager role yesterday. Should I take it? I really wanted to go for another org/role in Texas but time is against me. And i am really not confident that i can find something with my current skillset... should i stick with one more year? 

20210120 what am i thinking..

Had a headache all day and just wasn't in the mood...

Anyhow,  what the heck was i thinking last night? i actually applied to the it and have an interview on the 2nd. Tonight, maybe due to my mood, i really didnt think that i want to continue with it because i am so tired of this organization. I want to just stay in the isolated world and stay being an individual contributor.

Nothing makes me happy now and thats the problem.

Difficult conversation is still on going,  less stress than last week but it still didnt end yet. 

20210113 Difficult Conversation

Difficult conversation is always.. hard! Now i have to prepare for it... randy you have to read this in couple months and see what had actually happened..i know these are all part of my responsibility so i have to suck it up but it just sucks..

So they had posted a req for me in early dec, one of the sr mgr had just spoken with me about it yesterday and asked me to consider it. I had shared my concerns with him and he felt that they are workable, the team had also created another req today but i dont think i should apply to either... i dont think this environment will give me satisfaction even if i might be successful in it(just like now,  why is everyone giving me great feedback and i have a lot of visibility but yet i am sad/stressed/anxious all the time?) 

Starting in April, Texas job it is... but keeping an open mind, never say never

20210108 Post-Vacation Anxiety

2.3 weeks into my 2.5weeks vacation(Friday), I am already feeling anxious about work coming on the following Monday. Originally the vacation started really well where I took a trip to Vegas with my wife along with 2 other friends, I was able to not think about work that whole trip which was awesome. I truly am thankful for the trip and thinking back it was wonderful. Thank you Lord!

I really need to write down my feeling as i really don't want to forget it. Couple days ago I was suddenly considering working for my current rotation again or leadership role as the permanent placement and i am not sure what i was thinking. Had I forgotten the stress and uncertainty that it comes with? Had i forgotten the helplessness of things you cannot control and unlimited amount of work waiting to be executed? Ada shared that she just wanted a routine job and i definitely agree, something that you don't really need to think and even if its hard labor work it is something that is a lot less stressful.

... Lord, show us Your way.. please grant us peacefulness and ability from You...