Currently a little confused with myself.... i feel lost in this kind of situation... the brokeness/blockage between me and my friends is "reputation"... i care about what other strangers view me/us(chinese) so since i was young i have developed a personality/action that is more universal... all kinds of manners and etc now comes out naturally from me and most of the time i expect my friends to have the right manner at the right place(be as loud as u want if you are in a low end place and talk softer/quieter if you are in a high end restaurant) but i guess these are all invisible pressures that i give to others.....
"Am i really wrong?" is a question i've been asking myself over and over again... theres a phrase in chinese that says "work when you work, play when you play"... which also means to do the right/appropriate thing at the right time... is this really a bad thing to have as my standard? I mean i can answer myself to that.... as long as i dont force that standard to others then im ok..... i totally understand... and i feel that i dont..... but the fact is(from what i hear) is that i DO silently.... my attitude or the feelings i show to others made them feel like im pressuring them...
So what can i do now? Im still asking myself.... instead of changing others i should change myself? Or i just have been hanging out with the wrong crowd?(they are too young?)
As im typing this i do feel like im just hanging out with the wrong crowd because i have never experience this with people that are over 40?
Ugh.... but what does that make me? Im only 28....
Lately i also feel pressured from being in a group of church people, i have been in church long enough to understand we are all sinners and church is basically a home for all sinners so sins, etc are normal..... but i just cant stand others being judgemental instead of caring..which disgusted me the most... everyone truly have their weaknesses and struggles but thats where/when we need supports/understanding/encouragements...
Thats mostly what i cannot stand about church... God is definitely great but i would love to not have pressures in my Aba-Father's home...
"Am i really wrong?" is a question i've been asking myself over and over again... theres a phrase in chinese that says "work when you work, play when you play"... which also means to do the right/appropriate thing at the right time... is this really a bad thing to have as my standard? I mean i can answer myself to that.... as long as i dont force that standard to others then im ok..... i totally understand... and i feel that i dont..... but the fact is(from what i hear) is that i DO silently.... my attitude or the feelings i show to others made them feel like im pressuring them...
So what can i do now? Im still asking myself.... instead of changing others i should change myself? Or i just have been hanging out with the wrong crowd?(they are too young?)
As im typing this i do feel like im just hanging out with the wrong crowd because i have never experience this with people that are over 40?
Ugh.... but what does that make me? Im only 28....
Lately i also feel pressured from being in a group of church people, i have been in church long enough to understand we are all sinners and church is basically a home for all sinners so sins, etc are normal..... but i just cant stand others being judgemental instead of caring..which disgusted me the most... everyone truly have their weaknesses and struggles but thats where/when we need supports/understanding/encouragements...
Thats mostly what i cannot stand about church... God is definitely great but i would love to not have pressures in my Aba-Father's home...
